Saturday, 1 May 2010

Time to move on?

Today is the eve of the 10th anniversary of Mick's death. I have decided that this year I will sort out all those bits and pieces, this really should have been done years ago. Unfortunately when I start to do this I find myself getting tense and upset. I have no use for these things, but memories are attached to them. Day to day I have learned to live with the fact I lost someone I'd been with for 24 years and married to for 16, sometimes it feels like a life time ago and sometimes I can almost remember minute by minute those first few weeks, what happened and what was said.

I coped on my own for the most part because everyone around me was hurting too and I didn't need them getting upset whilst looking through what to most people would have been every day items.

It now seems silly to hold onto parts for cars that have long been sold, but I could only take the parting of these things in small doses. But this week I have made a start, ringing people to come and look with a view to buying, taking photos to put on ebay. Making a note of books ready to ring someone who's business card was given to me 2 years ago or so.

Will I move on, and find the 'strength' to make a big push and tackle the rest of the house, so it will be clean and tidy ready to be sold in a year or so and it won't be a big panic to clear everything. What to keep for memories sake? What goes because it's been in a drawer for 10 years or more without me needing it? Coming from a family of hoarders doesn't help either.

I have a new life but the past can't be erased completely. But to move on is the right thing to do.

In memory of Mick

Michael Paul Hutson